A review of Brooklyn Beckham’s CV so far

What a week to be a Brooklyn Beckham fan (if you are such a person – please come forward, we are very curious about finally meeting one).

The self-confessed “kitchen nutter” has been filmed making an “exotic” gin and tonic, which consists of none other than… gin and tonic.

The wild stunt had TikTok users reposting the video and asking – is Beckham actually having the last laugh?

It seems the lights are turning on in the club of Brooklyn Beckham – but is anyone still home? Beckham’s empire of hobbies makes a claim to him being both the world’s busiest and least accomplished nepo-baby.

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By now, you may have come across the 23-year-old’s various careers – his journey from cherub-faced son of David and Victoria Beckham to photographer, model, and now chef – as Beckham seems to adopt a new one every year without quite mastering them to a degree of style, flair, or basic ability.

To the extent that Beckham has a personality, it’s that he’s the child of two very famous people – Posh and Becks have presumably marshalled millions of dollars into their eldest son, but it’s unclear whether Beckham has produced any return on investment from his short-form video content

Thanks to our culture’s arbitrary lionising for the photogenic offspring of famous people, we are somehow thirsty for more of Beckham’s sugary-sweet image.

Here is a report card of Beckham’s different careers – so far.

Brooklyn Beckham as a Chef

Brooklyn Beckham makes an experimental gin and tonic with gin and tonic

Bustle/Supplied

Brooklyn Beckham makes an experimental gin and tonic with gin and tonic

After battling accusations of being the “world’s worst photographer”, and fending off fury over his modeling career: the beleaguered young man must now face his fiercest opponents yet – foodies on the internet.

Just this week, Beckham left fans baffled after the self-described “kitchen nutter” filmed himself making a gin and tonic – with gin and tonic.

In a video for Bustle, Brooklyn could be heard saying: “I’m very experimental, I love trying to make new drinks, trying new recipes, you know I’m a nutter in the kitchen.”

Every scene of Beckham in the kitchen is a perfectly orchestrated tableau of privilege – the kitchen itself, the deliberate ‘high-low mix’ of recipe and setting, Beckham’s amateur attempts to julienne a courgette.

Here, you can see Beckham insists he is a chef when asked how he can afford a McLaren.

Now, when you buy a child a Fischer and Paykel kitchen set, you nod with approval as they flip imaginary pancakes or pretend to pour you a cup of tea. This is what we’re doing as a society for Beckham as he adds mint “to make it green” – we must all nod wisely and indulge him.

When Beckham stares at his freshly made cocktail, beaming with pride, and it’s hard to deny him the pleasure – any parent wants their child to succeed, and with nepo-babies, we’re all complicit in making that happen.

Despite this, Beckham was pretty much cornered by critics – especially for his online Cookin’ With Brooklyn videos, for which he demonstrated how to make a bacon, sausage and egg sandwich on the US show Today.

Still, Beckham’s foodie content empire has already had outlets churning out fawning stories, such as Variety’s cover piece, “Brooklyn Peltz Beckham, Heir of Britain’s Other Royal Family, Has Instagram Eating Out Of His Hand.”

Beckham as a sake entrepreneur

Brooklyn Beckham's new venture

WESAKE/Stuff

Brooklyn Beckham’s new venture

At this point, it’s unclear whether Beckham’s PR people are spinning a wheel to decide which path he should take next.

Now, the wheel has landed on… co-founding a sake brand. He’s clearly mastered the gin and tonic, so sake is naturally next.

“Hi everyone, it’s Brooklyn. And today I’m proud to announce that I’m joining Wesake,” Beckham said in an ad on Instagram this week.

“Joining Wesake unites many of my different passions including my fascination with Japan,” he went on, slicing a piece of sushi.

The emerging brand is aimed at a youth audience, and will no doubt be looking to tap into Beckham’s 14.5 million fans on the social media platform.

“It goes well with English food, Italian, beef Wellington. Every dish I have now, I just have a can of sake.” Do you, Brooklyn Beckham? Do you really?

Beckham as a Model

Between careers as a footballer and a chef, Beckham did a stint of modeling

Jeff Spicer/Getty Images

Between careers as a footballer and a chef, Beckham did a stint of modeling

When he was 22-years-old, Beckham arrived as the face of Superdry, collaborating with the brand for a sustainable collection in a £1 million deal.

For shoots in Vogue, Man About Town, and Wonderland, Beckham looks creatively exhausted from the hours spent spiking his hair and popping the collar of his Burberry trench coat.

I feel the same way towards Beckham in recyclable merino as I would towards a labrador in a vest – this is the face of someone who has no idea what an office (or for that matter, a cover letter and CV) looks like, Beckham seems too innocent to truly be trolling us here.

While I prefer those nepo-babies who rage against the shackles of their fame with sex scandals and TMZ superstardom, this sort of artfully arranged content, while boring, is bland enough that it’s impossible to hold any ill will towards him.

The real recession is the lack of true celebrities out there, but I can’t fault Beckham for using his genetics.

Brooklyn Beckham as a Photographer

Stop what you are doing right now and google “Brooklyn Beckham photography book.” It is such an important cultural moment – ​​one that keeps me, and now TikTok, coming back.

Beckham’s debut book What I See has lived a second life online, courtesy of new fans resurfacing the shots with a fresh era’s ‘WTF’ perspective on his photographs.

Whether it’s Beckham’s attempt to become Attenborough (a shot from safari where he writes “elephants in kenya. so hard to photograph but incredible to see”) or his inside scoop of celebrity (a blurry shot with the caption “i like this picture – it’s out of focus but you can tell there’s a lot going on.”), Beckham’s camera might be on, but he sees nothing (a fact that did not stop Christie’s London sponsoring the book’s publication with a launch party).

What’s next for the creative polymath? Watch out – according to his Variety cover story, he is planning a product launch in the “sauce department” later this year.

Whatever his next direction, we should applaud Beckham for avoiding the most obvious celebrity hobby route du jour. He hasn’t yet started a skincare line, and for that we should all be grateful.

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